'I am the Ugandan civil servant; duly enrolled by the Public Service Commission. For many years I read the civil service Rules and Regulation and the Code of Conduct. I used to believe in them. That was until the World Bank and the IMF conspired with the Government to bring Structural Adjustment Programmes, appropriately called SAPs to sap my morale...and they introduced a dangerous animal called retrenchment. Such injustice! I no longer read the pamphlets they gave me...I now follow the Bible...I know I am one of the highly endangered species, what with retrenchment and I find fortitude in the Bible'. A wicked and affectionate portrayal of some common behavioural traits of the archetypal Ugandan, living in (or trying to get out of) Uganda, organised by job or other common activity e.g. politician, foreign investor, civil servant, driver, emigrant, sex worker, NGO, and the President. Joachim Buwembo is a seasoned journalist for the East African and The Sunday Vision in Uganda, and a keen observer of Ugandan society.